Knock, Knock. Who's there? Sadness, can I come in for a while?

Today, sadness came knocking at my door and it was the kind of day you might expect a visit like that.  The thunder rolled, the clouds hung low at ground level hugging its greyness around even the brightest summer flowers.  The rain was relentless.  So when it knocked I let it in and told it gently that it could stay for awhile but it couldn't move in.  Depression has knocked at my door before as well but I've come to know the sound of its engine in my driveway and its more subtle, urgent knock.  It too has wrapped its arms around me and we've done the long slow waltz that is so hard to let go of.  But today, today it was simply sadness needing a place to hang out.

So much of what I and others share with each other is full of joy, as it should be.  I was reminded by a message I received yesterday that it is sometimes important to also share the darker side of your life as well because we all experience that, even the happiest of us.  I have three very close friends who have lost loved ones to suicide.  I feel honoured that they have felt safe enough over the years to share both their depression and their sadness with me.  It provides me with the opportunity to remind them that our love and friendship is unconditional.  It provides them with a safe place to just be.  It reminds all of us that we need others in our life who can not only make us laugh but who can love us even in our dark times.

I was also reminded yesterday that I can not be responsible for another person's happiness.  I was reminded not to compare my life to anyone else's and to take charge of each day and make it the best it can be.  Over the last few years I have read a lot about living my life with intention and learning to stay in the moment.  I have many great friends who I can discuss these ideas with and a great family who models this in their own day to day lives.  We've all heard the words, living in the moment, and understand the concept but it's another shift completely to practice it day to day.  I have let go of relationships with people who make me feel bad about myself and have nurtured those relationships with people who bring positivity into my world.  Sometimes though, my own worst enemy has been myself and I make it a point each day to say kind things to myself.  I have learned to meditate and this has made a world of difference as well.  The practice of meditation, and trust me - it takes practice, calms my busy mind and brings quiet to my soul.

I count my blessings daily and there are many to count. I have a full, rich life and this is no accident.  I read.  I share.  I listen to others.  I take risks.  I accept (okay, I'm learning to accept) my mistakes and flaws as just part of who I am.  I am striving to be a better person one moment at a time. Sadness did come.  It stayed til the wee hours of the morning when I told it quietlly but firmly that it was time to go.  Today is a new day.  I am grateful to have it.  I am grateful for the people in it.  I am grateful that I live in a part of the world where I can decide what I do with this day, who I spend it with and where I go.  Yesterday I chose sadness.

I hope you do too!

Staying In The Moment

Today is the first "legitimate" day of my retirement years.  I was finished work on June 30th but with the holiday long weekend in there it didn't feel like it until today.  So, what did I do with my first "official" day?

As you can see from the picture above, I went for a bike ride, a long, slow bike ride.  With a lot of coaching and support from my sister-in-law (certified yoga instructor extraordinaire.  Check out her website  http://www.indriyaomyoga.com/) I am working hard to stay in the moment and enjoy the beauty around me.  So, what did I notice on my bike ride tonight?

I noticed the wind in my face.  While it was a refreshing breeze it made the first 10 km of my ride just a little harder.  I will remember the coolness of the breeze and the goose bumps on my arms when the temperature soars to 30 degrees later this week.  With the breeze came the bumping together of the clouds above and a little tease of blue sky as the clouds parted and gathered again and again.  That breeze also rustled the beginnings of the corn plants.  At this time of the year it seems they go from six inches to six feet overnight.  Today, they are six inches.

I noticed how green everything is.  All the greens a mind could imagine.  While we've complained (at least I have!) about the dark, gloomy June and wet start to July it certainly has made everything around us lush and fresh. 

I noticed how many really BIG trees there are around here.  So many fields and yards full of those kinds of trees that look undressed without a hammock or an old tire swing.  It is this kind of tree that MUST be in the yard of that last home we buy, the one we will settle in into our old age.  The one our grandkids (and hopefully great-grandkids) will swing in and climb on.  The one we will sit under with a cool lemonade on a hot summer day.  You know the kind!

I noticed (even though I'm not supposed to:) the songs on my i-phone as I pedalled through farm roads.  Thank heavens for whoever thought to put Celine Dion in the same room with Andrea Bocelli.  This song was MADE for a summer evening, especially one where your senses are alive to all around you.  Some of my other favourites are:  Brown-Eyed Girl (of course!), Home (by Phillip Phillips - that song just reaches my soul), Ray LaMontagne - You Are The Best Thing and  anything by James Taylor.  I can't imagine a world without music!

I noticed a lot of barns.  Most of them with long drawn faces.  All of them missing a few front teeth.  There's something about old buildings that catches my eye and, quite often, my camera's eye.  There's a story in each of those old buildings about bumper crops and the lean years.  One of my dreams is to have shelving made of old barn boards, hung up with wrought iron brackets. 

Well, that's my bike ride for this evening.  The rest of the day involved a trip out to Harrison to check out the overflowing lagoon and have a bit to eat and a dance in the kitchen.  Yes, you heard me right.  My husband, the shy one you all think you know, loves to catch me up in the middle of baking or cleaning or doing the dishes and take me for a spin around the kitchen.  Often the radio's on and after so many years together it's usually easy to match his steps.  Today, the song was in his head and this made my task a little more challenging.  The usual smile at the end of the interruption today turned into laughter.

So much to be grateful for:)

As One Door Closes. . .

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves.

As retirement calls my name it conjures up so many wonderful plans for the future and so many wonderful memories of the past.  As I dream of biking through the rolling hills of the Cotswolds I tear up thinking about how quickly my teaching years have passed and how much I will miss the energy and enthusiasm of the students I have worked with.  People ask me all the time why I would choose to work with __________ (pick your favourite: primary students, teenagers, middle school kids, 10 year olds etc. etc. etc.)  I chose to work with kids for two reasons; because I love kids and because I believed I could make a difference.  I still love the kids and I believe I have made a difference. 

I have worried throughout all of my years of teaching about keeping kids enthusiastic.  I watched my own children the same way I now watch my grandchildren.  I watched carefully trying hard to ensure that they had a love of learning.  I'm not talking about subjects here, I'm talking about learning.  Each child is so special and unique and they all have a love of something when they come to us at school.  I sometimes worry that we don't pay enough attention to the things they do love.    I watched my grandson eat his breakfast the other day and noticed that he wasn't still for one second while he ate. He's a busy guy; up, down, over, under, on and around.   I love that about him.  I listened to him as we walked through the rain as he said, "I LOVE rain.  I LOVE puddles."  He LOVES a lot of things.  I love that about him.  I watched my granddaughter learning to knit.  Those stitches must have fallen off the needles 50 times.  After several times she said to me, "Gramma, I'm getting way better at casting on, aren't I?"  She has so much patience.  I love that about her.  I listened to her read a story to her cousin with such inflection and enthusiasm.  I love that about her.  I tried hard in my classrooms and later as a principal to look for the wonderful things in kids, all kids.  I think aside from the basic skills (reading, writing, 'rithmetic) that our job as educators is to make sure that students leave our care as confident learners, knowing that whatever they want to take on in life is at their whim because they KNOW they can learn whatever they want to.  I know it's hard to accept, but often they want to learn things we don't want to teach them or worse yet, things that society doesn't value.  If we could only accept that they will grow and change and learn in their own way and in their own time.  One of my favourite quotes reflects  what I am trying to say,

"If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructable that it would last throughout life."

I did not leave school as a confident learner.  School, for me, was all about sports and social life.  When I hear teachers now discussing those darn kids who just don't care about school I wonder how many times my own teachers said the same thing about me.  I believe that we all find our own way, I truly do.  While I was an average student in school I excelled in university, probably because I didn't go until I was 27 years old.  I know that it wasn't a path I would have even considered without the constant encouragement of my husband who had more faith in my ability that I had in my own.  This is a good time to remember that we ALL need cheerleaders as much as we need "teachers".  We need support as much as we need advice.  Sometimes we need others to have dreams for us because we don't have enough confidence to have our own dreams. 

I have so many dreams and plans now that 24 hours a day isn't enough to fulfill them all.  I have an amazing family. They are all good, kind people.  Their senses of humour are a bit off but I imagine they would tell this was nurture rather than nature:)  I have a husband who models everything I believe about caring for those around him.  I have two grandchildren who renew my own sense of wonder each time I am with them.  By the time Christmas arrives I will have two more grandchildren and can't wait to meet them and see who they are!  I do look forward to all that is coming down the road for me but today, in the moment, I also feel some melancholy, as it should be!

So much to learn, so little time!

Over the last year or two I have begun to dabble in yoga and meditation.  While most of my dabbling has been reading I am beginning to branch out a bit into the practice area as well.  I must give all credit for this newfound interest to my sister-in-law, Sherri.  Sherri is a constant inspiration to me.  She's faced some tremendous challenges in her life and the way she has responded to them all has been through gentle action.  Sherri is a gentle person so it seems just right that she found her way to yoga and meditation in her quest for inner peace.  Sherri and I have been related for almost 39 years (YIKES!).  Over those 39 years we have become very close.  I think we see in each other the parts of ourselves that require nurturing and we know that we are safe in sharing our even our darkest secrets with each other. 

Sherri shared a book with me a couple of years ago called, Perfect Health, by Deeprak Chopra.  Many of the ideas in the book took me back to a very interesting course I took a few years ago called, The Incredible Spoon Bending Workshop & The Power of Intention.  Yes, I bend spoons:)  Why??? Because I can:)  Reading Perfect Health led me to other books, a few websites, some magazines and lots of questions.  Curiosity began to build and that curiosity led me to a couple of yoga classes.  While I always hear that yoga classes (and in fact, most exercise classes) focus on individual development I felt quite uncomfortable amongst more experienced practitioners.  The instructors were great, they helped me with blocks and straps and modifications but I just didn't feel at ease.  Our adult children (surely there's a better term)  all live in the city so we go in often and it is here that I have found a way into yoga.  In the summer I took an introductory course at Semperviva, just a couple of blocks from my son's place.  Last weekend I did a mini-retreat (yoga, meditation & Ayurveda) in Stanley Park, just a short way from our daughter's. I truly feel more comfortable in anonymity while I find my way.  I think I also need to try many different classes so I can find a yoga practice that suits my needs.  I am not strong enough for most of the poses right now so the restorative yoga and settling yoga seem just right. I am sure in time that I will move on to those beautiful flowing sequences but for now, lying with my legs straight up against the wall seems just right!

The meditation has come much easier for me than the yoga.  While I am still at the guided practice stage ( and may never move from here:) I find it very easy to focus on the breathing, the words, the music and feel incredibly relaxed at the end of each session.

While I am working full time I am satisfied to dabble, read, learn, explore and experiment.  However, retirement is whispering my name and I know that yoga and meditation will be a big part of life after teaching. 

Thank you Sherri for sharing your passion and your knowledge and for opening up a whole new world to me!

Bless the hearts of those who go out of their way to MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

I know there are many people out there doing ordinary things every day to make a difference in the lives of those around them.  These people are not looking for recognition, payback or accolades.  They are simply looking to make a difference.

I am particularly proud at this time to be part of a community who knows how to make a difference, not only in small ways but also in big ones.  It has been truly inspiring to see so many people come together in support of a local family whose lives have been turned upside down since their little girl was diagnosed with brain cancer.  There have been bake sales, auctions, pub nights and cash donations along with a host of other activities as people go out of their way to support Andrew, Chelsey and Lilee-Jean.

One of the youngest fund-raisers must surely be Carys Bolan.  Carys wanted to help Lilee-Jean and her family so, along with the help of her mom, she organized and ran a bake sale at her school.  Now I know there were many people who baked and helped out and many who bought the baking, but without Carys' caring and leadership this bake sale may not have happened.  While Carys and her friends (and their families) set out to help others I know that they also helped their school and community become a more caring place.  They made a difference.

Tonight I watched a newscast from Edmonton, Alberta which focussed on a story out of Fort McMurray, Alberta.  Becca Hess, a former student of Agassiz Secondary where Andrew went to school, organized a fund-raiser in this hard-working community known for transience and big money.  No one other than Becca knew this family and yet they gave from their hearts and opened their wallets to the tune of $10 000.00 plus!  We kind of expect this in our small town but I was truly moved by the generosity of these people who were simply told that a family needed help and then stepped up to make a difference.

http://www.globaltvedmonton.com/video/big+spirit/video.html?v=2168190893#stories

Another news article I read this week also touched me.  Five former students from the school I teach at formed a non-profit society in Golden, B.C.  Their goal???  "We are a brand new non-profit society aimed at building community spirit through events and sports in the Golden area."  These young men not only believed they could make a difference, they put that belief into action.  Greg Bodnaryk, Brian Coles, Eric Prasloski, Dan Rose and Brad Bokenfohr have started the Gentlemen's Leisure Club of Golden.  It is so great to see young people step up and take the lead in making their community a better place for everyone.  They too are making a difference.

http://www.thegoldenstar.net/community/133466313.html

We read so much about how the youth of today feel they have a sense of "entitlement".  Clearly, this is a gross over-generalization.  Carys, Becca and the boys (woops, I mean gentlemen) all come from a small town but clearly this small town is creating some big hearts who know how to go out into the world and make a difference!

What a great week for the youth of Agassiz!

Treasured Things (and the memories that go with them)

Over the 39 years that Bob and I have been together we have collected a lot of "stuff".  As we approach retirment we look at all that "stuff" and know it's time to start paring down.  I spent a part of yesterday cleaning out the old rolltop desk that shows in the back of this picture.  The desk belonged to our beloved Papa.  When Papa passed away it took Nanny more than a year to come to the painful, but sensible decision to move out of the house she and Papa had spent 52 years in, creating their own memories and raising their five children.  I don't remember how decisions were made about what went where but I ended up with Papa's desk.  I can still see him sitting there after dinner doing whatever it was he did.  Once he retired, he kept a journal faithfully and I know some of the time at the desk was spent writing.  I do know that Papa paid the bills and that some of his time at the desk was about looking after this part of their life together. I do know that when I look at the desk even now, I see Papa sitting there.

After cleaning out the desk I popped an e-mail to our four kids (really?? there has to be a better word for adult "children") asking if anyone had interest and/or room.  I should know my kids better and I should have thought a bit more before sending that e-mail because now we have to decide how to decide about who gets the desk.  This also got me thinking about other things around our house and the memories attached to them.

On the bookcase in our family room sits an old hand-held school bell.  When I look at that bell I can honestly hear the sound of it ringing out over the hutterite colony my Gramma Dot taught at in the 60's.  My two brothers and I lived with our Gramma Dot and Grampa Albert on that hutterite colony for a few months and we attended the one-room schoolhouse with the children from the colony.  I can't remember whether it was Irricana or Beisker.  I do remember it looked much like the one in the picture below.

Life on the colony was interesting and that is a whole other story in itself.  What I remember about the bell was that Gramma Dot could control the whole class of students (not that Hutterite children took much controlling:) with the promise of ringing that bell in the morning, at the end of recess and again at the end of lunch.  My Gramma Dot was a bit of a nomad in her retired years.  She had a trailer by the beach in Comox and a home in Calgary but spent much of her time travelling from coast to coast in her yellow truck with the purple home-made box/camper on the back.  While she was away travelling one year the propane tank in the trailer blew up, sent the whole trailer through the air landing several feet away from the foundation.  Lucky she was away!  Before she got back to Comox to deal with the insurance etc. much of what was in her trailer was ransacked and taken.  Gramma Dot was more than a bit of a pack-rat and I remember wondering if the old bell had been one of the items taken but luckily it was not.  My grandkids love it when they get a chance to grab that old wooden handle and ring that bell as loud as they can.  When they do, I can hear the laughter and noise that comes with a playground of children returning to class.  I can see the boots and dresses of the Hutterite girls and the black pants and jackets of the boys as they run up the stairs, eager, yes eager, to learn.



We Day - 2011

The energy, the passion, the determination, the NOISE, it was all amazing. The power of 18 000 young people gathered together under  one roof in a room with people whose life's ambition is to unite them against world poverty, child labour and local issues is indescribable.  The noise was deafening at times.  When asked; Who is ready to make a difference? Who is ready to be the change? Who is ready to start today?  18 000 strong screamed back, " WE ARE!"

I had the privilege today of attending my very first WE Day in Vancouver with several students from the school I teach at.  While some of the students had been before and had tried to explain the power of WE DAY to me it's just not something one can comprehend until you've actually experienced it in person.

The day was filled with celebrities, music, dance, culture and passion.  Kids screamed for bands I had never heard of (with the exception of Hedley) and cheered and clapped for celebrities they had never heard of (Mikhail Gorbachev).  Shaq had them screaming WEEEEEE DAAAAYYYYY.  Spencer West, author of Standing Tall:My Journey, amazed them with what he had overcome in life, as well as his future plans to hike to the top of Kilimanjaro.  FRESH showed them all how boys can bust a move while Waneek Horn-Miller invited them all to join her Team Canada in efforts to support Canada's First Nations peoples.

While all of the famous people and the hoopla provided a backdrop for the day it was the young people and their passion and determination that touched me.  As face after face splashed across the jumbotron I couldn't help but notice the smiles, the cheers, the friendships and the pure joy that was evident.  There are simply not enough adults in this world telling our young people how truly powerful they are.  Imagine spending a day where EVERYONE told you repeatedly - YOU ARE THE GENERATION WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.  YOU ARE THE CHANGE.  YOU ARE POWERFUL.  WE NEED YOU.  I work in public education.  Our job should be to send that same message.  I spent today listening to 18 000 young people being told they can solve the world's problems.  Tomorrow they'll have to ask to use the washroom.

It was great listening to Craig and Marc Keilburger tell their own story.  It was great listening to them tell the kids there not to listen to the people who use words like; impossible, never, can't, won't,  you're too young.  It was wonderful for the students of four schools to hear the story of how their contributions had changed the life of one girl and to see pictures of the school they had built, the well they had dug, the medical center they had built and the donations that had allowed a women's group to start their own business.

The most powerful moment of the day for me was when Michel Chikwanine, a former child soldier, told his story with large placards while honouring his vow of silence.  While the noise was deafening at times throughout the day, when Michel told his silent story it was the silence of 18 000 that was deafening.

Free the Children is the result of one child's dream and determination.  We Day celebrates the accomplishments of Free the Children while inspiring and mobilizing the youth of the world.  The message of the day was BE THE CHANGE.  The only thing I am asking for anyone reading this blog is to go the the We Day Facebook page and "like" their page.  For every "like" $1.00 is donated (by corporate sponsors) to Free The Children.

Thanks everyone!!