Hornby Island, The Universe, and a Look Inside of Myself

My thoughts are as jumbled as the images in this long exposure shot.  Some of these thoughts are as sharp as the lines of the headlamps running through and some are as fuzzy as the individuals on the move, getting ready to shoot the universe.

Hornby Island.  This is my fourth adventure with Illuminate Photo Education and probably the one that has most resulted in creating a need to dig deep within myself to understand.  Yes, it's about images but the creation of those images require particular understandings; technical camera settings, a basic understanding of composition and colour and a moment of reflection to figure out what drew you to the want/need to take this particular shot.  All of these things require learning and practice and feedback and MISTAKES.

This weekend on Hornby was my least comfortable.  Probably because this time my learning was pushed to the edge and the discomfort that came with that learning really caught me by surprise. Long story short, I wanted to learn but I didn't want it to be hard.  I didn't want to be the person who needed 45 minutes to understand a concept.  I like to learn quickly, and easily.  I don't want it to be HARD! Thank you Boomer for pushing, and pushing, and pushing.  The shot that I took wasn't important.  I didn't even particularly like the resulting image, it was technically better but didn't provide me with any creative satisfaction.  I liked the one I thad taken prior to the lesson better.  I do know however that I would not have been ABLE to take that second shot without the lesson. I would not have had the necessary technical knowledge.  The point of the lesson was that if I HAD wanted to take that second shot, I wouldn't have been able to and now I can.  It is my reaction to how I FELT about that lesson that is still trying to sort itself out.

For the first time on one of these photography retreats I went through a period of discouragement, feelings of inadequacy and a need to go off on my own to process this.  I am a people person and I wonder after this shoot if some of my need to be around people is also a way of avoiding myself.  In previous years most of my images were 'bigger'.  By that I mean images of the never-ending sea, the vast beaches, the big skies, the elements of Hornby that I look out on and love.

When I am in these elements I find myself taking big breaths, all the way to the bottom of my lungs and an exhale that requires a calendar rather than a stopwatch to time.  This place brings peace to my soul and a stillness to me that can only come with the sights, sounds, smells and sense of touch that comes with being at the beach.  The scene above conveys the feelings that generally come with being on Hornby.

Many of the images that I shot on this retreat are more detailed, closer in, particularly the ones AFTER the lesson on depth of field.  My photography is reflecting my inner workings.  My need to look into myself resulted in images that reflected more detail, a more intimate interaction and a much more detailed approach to shooting.  The composition became extremely important and the subject much more simplified.  I am finding the whole relationship between my feelings and my images fascinating, not always comfortable, but interesting.

 

Hornby is always a thought-provoking experience for me.  How can you not feel a sense of wonder looking at an image that was created during 45 minutes of the earth spinning and the universe shining down on you?

This shot requires a level of technical understanding that four years ago would have seemed impossible to me.  That learning came in increments, from the instructors, from the amazing people around me and from my own willingness to open myself up to that very same universe.

Each time I do these retreats I go with the flow.  I bend with the wind.  I open myself up to new people and new learning experiences.  Never before though have I felt resistant to that.  Photography has always been about the emotional impact for me.  I choose images that make me FEEL, images that connect with me and who I am and what I love.  The need to focus on developing my technical skills in order to grow as a photographer was an uncomfortable experience.  But those images above, WOW!, not ones I would have been able to take without going through that discomfort.  So, there you have it. . . real growth is painful and awkward and uncomfortable and really, life changing.  I am home now but this trip to Hornby will have my head spinning for a while yet while I try to hone in on the emotional aspects that came with this latest experience.